Only One – Lonely One?

mother-1039765_1920-e1451928215470-620x264Here’s a re-post of a blog I did for KnotSoSubtle.com. I believe this is an issue that many “only child moms” worry about from time-to-time. Perhaps my take on it will give you peace of mind to enjoy the path you’ve chosen (or life chose for you.)

I had planned to have more children but, as it so often does, life got in the way. Troubles in my marriage, a financial hardship, and a serious injury…

Source: Only One – Lonely One?

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My Fractured Leg Taught Me to Stand on my Own Two Feet

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I think every one of us has experienced life-altering events in their lifetime. This story is about mine. Please check out my latest post at KnotSoSubtle.com to read more.

I desperately wanted to erase the terror I saw in my husband’s eyes, he urged me not to look at my leg, and that telepathic connection between us told me…

Source: My Fractured Leg Taught Me to Stand on my Own Two Feet


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Family Finances: Confessing to my Husband

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Check out my latest post at KnotSoSubtle.com – 

Family Finances: Confessing to My Husband

Unfortunately, this is an issue affecting so many people these days. I’m hoping by sharing my experiences I can provide a little hope to others that find themselves in similar circumstances.

Looking back, I realize that I was never properly prepared to handle the family finances. Being lulled into a false sense of financial security, I had no clue that our lives would be turned upside down in the blink of an eye. Nor did I realize just how close we would come to losing it all.

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Two Alpha Males: Peacemaker and Mediator

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Originally posted on KnotSoSuble.com –

Alpha Males: Peacemaker and Mediator

What is it about two level-headed males sharing the same space that drives them to grow fangs, mark their territory and growl at each other every chance they get?

Okay, I’ll admit that I wasn’t prepared for the role I would play as peacemaker between two alpha males when my daughter’s boyfriend moved in three years ago. While I really didn’t give it much thought before agreeing to the plan, I honestly didn’t expect the relationship between my husband and Jay to be much different from the one he had with our daughter. Boy, was I wrong!

Continue reading “Two Alpha Males: Peacemaker and Mediator”

We Invited My Daughter’s Boyfriend to Move In

We Invited My Daughter’s Boyfriend To Move In

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Originally Posted at KnotSoSubtle.com –

We Invited My Daughter’s Boyfriend to Move In

When my husband suggested three years ago that we invite our only child’s boyfriend to move in, I think I must have been high on cleaning product fumes, because I said, “Sure. Why not?”

Read more about the challenges of having this “stranger” in my home at KnotSoSubtle.com. You’ll find it under the Living/Family Section.

If we were having a cup of coffee right now…

Writing 101: Day 10 – Update over a cup of coffee

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…it would have likely been my first cup this year. While I’m not a “coffee-hater,” I’m not a “coffee-lover” either. I generally have one or two cups a year when there’s nothing else to drink, or I just feel like it. Thanks to my Gram’s influence, I prefer a nice cup of hot tea.

So, let me tell you about the great week I had.

I just got back to work from a “staycation.” Hubby and I took the week off primarily to celebrate his aunt’s 95th birthday. The family came in from all over the country – Nevada, Florida, Virginia (we live in New York) – to visit for the week and surprise Aunt Lorraine.

She was definitely surprised. And so were they.

One by one, each of her four children entered through the back door of her home (she still lives alone in the home she shared with her husband for 60+ years.) They snuck through the kitchen and around the corner with outstretched arms to surprise their mom. Like so many times before, they expected a squeal of delight and a barrage of hugs and kisses.

This time was different.

Lorraine was a day short of 95 and her typical excitement at seeing her children was replaced with confusion and a little panic. Then, as the strangers poured in one by one, Lorraine didn’t see them as the familiar faces of her grandchildren and great-grandchildren, she only became more and more disoriented and frightened. As the group grew larger, the room became louder and Lorraine became quieter.

Things got better.

After a couple of hours of catching up and realizing that the influx of bodies was just too much, everyone disbursed to their respective hotels to let Lorraine rest. With a good night’s sleep, she was a little more prepared for the day ahead.

95! Wow – can you imagine waking up and realizing that you’ve lived for nearly a century?

The family arranged for a BIG birthday bash at a local recreation center. It actually was perfect! The log cabin-style lodge was located out in the country with a picturesque water-lily pond, walking trails through a densely forested area, a playground for the kids and lots of open space. That meant everyone could spread out and yet still be part of the special event.

As we all approached Lorraine to wish her a “Happy Birthday,” she was less stressed and recognized most everyone. It’s so nice to be remembered as “one of the family.” As is typical with the elderly, the mind is very selective about what it recalls. Often it’s easier to reminisce about memories from your youth than from five minutes ago. Lorraine is no different, so we chatted about making chocolate novelties for Easter as if it were yesterday instead of 20 years ago. She laughed and cried and had an amazing time.

The day was wonderfully casual and filled with endless photo ops. As my husband and I watched the immediate family pose for one more keepsake of the occasion, it struck us that Lorraine had made a powerful contribution to this world. There stood 25 smiling children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren that were all there because she opened her heart to love all those years ago. It might have been her birthday, and to an outsider, she was the one receiving all the gifts. But we knew she had supplied all the gifts that day, and they were standing right in front of us – our family.

Thank you, Aunt Lorraine – it’s just what we needed.

The Space (Or Lack Of) to Write

Writing 101: Day 6

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My family has encouraged me for years to write a book. Anyone that knows me will tell you that I’ve had the bug for years. It took me decades before finally getting the courage to leap into the freelance writing arena, but here I am.

I’m holding down a full-time day job (gotta eat) and doing the majority of my writing at home – at my kitchen table. Ideal? Absolutely not! But there’s still a part of me that 1) Has to be in the middle of the action, and 2) Doesn’t want to shut out the family. Silly, right?

It’s not like I have little kids at home. My daughter and her boyfriend are in their 20s, both have great jobs and are more than capable of taking care of themselves. My husband of 34 years is also quite handy in the kitchen and most anything he sets his mind to, so why do I feel the need to still take care of them?

I have a good sized home, with a real office and desk space if I choose. Do I ever work there? Nope.

I even have this enormous dining room table with plenty of space to spread out and secure a little privacy. Do I ever work there? Nope.

Instead, I sit at our kitchen table, night after night, tapping away on the laptop keys – fighting the distractions of a too-loud television, conversations about the daily grind and interruptions too numerous to mention. I tell the family that I “need to write,” but they don’t seem to believe me. Do you?

Did you select the third option? Well, I know that’s the right answer (even though one and two have some merit). I’ve figured out a way to “have my cake and eat it too.” I do most of my research during the time when everyone is around. I cut and paste and save to my heart’s content, so when everyone eventually leaves the kitchen to do their own thing, I have all I need to “get to work.”

I often write late into the night when the house is quiet; but as a devoted night owl, it suits me just fine. Some day when the kids move out, and there’s some extra space for me to spread my writer’s wings, I may set up my own little corner. For now, doing what I love, in the midst of those I love, is just the best space to write.

I’d love to hear your comments. I have a feeling some psychologists out there might have some interesting ideas.

Enthusiastically,

Debbie Dey

Image courtesy of Ambro at FreeDigitalPhotos.net